Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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