Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well you can't waste a boner
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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