dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
