yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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