dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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