she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
