I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
