He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
