Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
