I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
