Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i out mim tonsoeep
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