he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
