Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think i have two assholes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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