You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
