I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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