3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everclear isn't food dammit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
