Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
