zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize