why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
