um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
