I haven't been this sober since birth.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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