My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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