Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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