these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dicks are not precious.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
