he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
