1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
