It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
