I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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