Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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