The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
