It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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