Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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