please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
