By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
