I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize