She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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