How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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