Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
