I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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