u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
