12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
