Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize