I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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