There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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