One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
