After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
