The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my liver is dry heaving
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
