did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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