You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
