Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
