Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
