You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found the puke drawer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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