He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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