That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
