my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
