Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
