i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
