i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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