I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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