I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
