and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
