I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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