Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
