as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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