Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
