well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
