So drunk its hurt
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
