Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
