I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
