I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
