Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
