tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
