i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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