I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
