there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
