I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
