Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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